Merry Christmas

May this day be filled with joy(!), laughter, happiness, togetherness and food for all of you.

Ten ten ten

Because I'm not interesting.

Happy birthday Michelle

And they are very old pictures, I know.

But they are probably the only ones I have of you.

You'd probably hate me for putting this up cos we look so stupid. Haha.

But have a good one this year, you.

And the sun sets

Thank you for the picture =)

Cherating April 2010

Because they say my smile looks awesome in this one =)

Disco Ball (Pixie)

My friend Stella

Exactly a month ago, I was sitting on the sidewalk with Stella and she had one skinny arm around my own skinny shoulders.

She'd hugged me before she left and was crying in my neck. "Joy! I'll miss you," she had said to me.

No, Stella, it is I who will miss you.

Thank you for the opportunity to work with you. Yes, you are only 8 but your maturity surpasses that of many people I know. Your professionalism amazes me to no end. You're punctual almost to a fault. You have such good manners that I can't help wishing that every child I come across would be half of what you are. You greet me with a smile everyday without fail. And you've never failed to thank me whenever I do something for you.

I remember that day, when I fell at the jetty and into the boat. You asked me over and over again if I was alright. And you offered to hold my hand as we walked to the unit base. All the way, you tried telling me a story about how the exact same thing happened to you the day before. You struggled with the language, apologizing for not being able to tell the story properly. You said to me that you would tell me again in 2 weeks, when your English was better.

You made my entire month, Stella Kunkat, on the day you held my hand.

And now that you're back home in Germany, I can't help but wonder if you remember those months you had spent here.

I can't help but wonder if you missed me, the way I'm missing you now.

Coming to an end

This was my last day in Kuala Tahan.

There is something about this picture that makes me smile.

The way everyone kinda just gelled together. Became friends.

Goodbye Teddy

After (almost) exactly 2 years of honorable service to me, it is time for teddy to go.

See how his head is busted and missing a leg?

Truly a war veteran.

From the jungle to the beach

Jungle people did Cherating over the weekend, baby!

First glance

Of course, you will not be able to see what it is exactly that I do in the jungle.

Just looks like I'm hanging out with a bunch of young people doing nothing but taking pictures of ourselves. Haha.

You will, however, see that I have a mosquito repellant patch stuck on my tee (yes, I absolutely loathe mosquitoes!) because, well, this is the jungle, after all.

You will also notice that I've lost what little weight I have on my bones (boo!).

The obligatory lunchtime Joy-is-eating shot for those who kept telling me I needed to eat.

By the way, food is atrocious at lunchtime. I'd rather eat instant noodles.

Really.

Production house: Biscuit Films

We've finally started shooting!

All dramas taken into account, this is a very good thing.

Karl's cat

So here I am at my desk, trying not to notice the camera assistants spending way too much time in our office space and moving their things around really loudly.

I'm not pretending to work, really. If you'd like to know, there is a shit load to be done, every single hour. And that in itself is probably a slight understatement.

Sometimes, it's nice to look up and watch people (namely Matthias and Karl) do their thing and not give a rat's ass about the calls and paperwork and chaos the rest of us in the office are dealing with. They fiddle around with their fancy tools and equipment and always seemed like they were a lot more serious in their work than I am. Or maybe they're just more absorbed. Whatever.

Anyway, Karl was camping out in front of my desk for wifi. He said to me, "Oh, you know, I miss my cat in Germany so much."

I wasn't sure what the correct reply would be. After all, Karl and I aren't friends. Although we've exchanged pleasantries but we've never even had a real conversation before.

So I managed a weak, "I see."

"You wanna see my cat?" he'd asked me with a huge grin on his face.

Oh, I thought to myself, he's one of those people who are proud of their pets. I guess I can deal with that.

"Sure."

And 5 seconds later, Karl announced that he'd dropped it in my local Dropbox.

I was curious.

And then I found this.


I laughed out loud. Like, really loudly.

"Do you like my cat?" Karl asked with one of the biggest smiles I'd seen all week.

Yes, I do, Karl, and thank you for breaking the ice.

Production house: Carrot Films

Circa 2007.

Once upon a time in Shanghai

I had 2 tiny tangerines.

Don't ask me where I got them from or how I came about to taking this picture.

I don't remember anymore.

Follow your bliss

January 10

I spent the day in a cloud of confusion, dodging in and out of rows and rows garments in all shapes, sizes and colors.

I thought of my Daddy on the day of his 58th, one foot on the retirement path, the other one planted on a lifetime of work.

I remember the weeks before when he was so poorly in health, wheezing like a kitten with every slight breath he took. Coughing, hacking, barely getting any sleep. Blue in the face and barely able to speak.

Yes, that was my Daddy in the weeks before his 58th. And those were probably the most obvious signs in recent times that my Daddy was aging, whether I was ready to accept it or not.

And so on the day of my Daddy's 58th, I spent a good 30 minutes on the floor of one of those aisles, where I was partially hidden by the numerous garments in the warehouse.

I wondered why I was there on that particular day. I wondered why I chose to be away today. I wondered why I had firmly walked down this same path for the past 6 years.

I wondered if my Daddy had known all along that this day would come.

I saw him walk by a few times, looking for me, perhaps to offer a few words of comfort.

And yet, I sat still, barely breathing for the longest time, just wanting to hide. I didn't want to be found.

In the 6 years that I had stubbornly soldiered on, today I wanted to disappear.

I have no use for cruel words or fake smiles. No use for insincere apologies and unspoken grief.

And here, on the dusty floor of the warehouse, on my Daddy's 58th birthday, I remember the words he spoke to me the night before my first day in college; that it is my choice and mine alone.

I will see through it.

Happy birthday Daddy

It is one of those rare pictures that I have with you, and you are smiling!

Happy birthday, Daddy.

Skyping with Shan

I miss you long time, too!

Hurry up and get your cute ass back in KL!

Shan has weird taste

Because these pictures are inspiring him to do his hair exactly the same.

Tell me I'm less weird, please.